MENTOR MONDAY Dialogue Draaaagg, Part Deux

In last week’s post we discussed the use of dialogue and how it should help move the story. One way that dialogue does this is to help the reader learn more about the characters:

Mrs. Smith towered over Joe’s desk. “It seems you didn’t hear me, Mr. Jones. I said I wanted all biology textbooks open to page 50. NOW.”

Joe looked up. “Make me,” he said.


What is your impression of Mrs. Smith? You might get that she’s strict, that she’s not afraid to confront her students. And Joe? Perhaps after reading his reply you thought, rude, obstinate, not easy to control.

Take the same dialogue from Mrs. Smith and change Joe’s:



Mrs. Smith towered over Joe’s desk. “It seems you didn’t hear me, Mr. Jones. I said I wanted all biology textbooks open to page 50. NOW.”

Joe looked up. “Yes, ma’am,” he whispered.



Do you picture Joe the same way? Probably not. He becomes a much wimpier character in the second version.

It doesn’t take a lot of words to create dialogue that contributes to characterization. The tag lines are basic. He said. He whispered. If I were using any of these dialogue lines in a novel, I might add a bit more movement, but my point here is that it’s not necessary to overdo it. Word choice, emphasis, and attributions all help to propel the story and develop characters.

In each of these examples, we also see that the relationship between the characters is very different. While Mrs. Smith is seen as basically an overbearing task master in each version, the way her student reacts tells us as much about Mrs. Smith as it does about the student. Each dialogue pair does something else. It adds tension.

In the first example, we certainly want to know what will happen next. Who will be the first to react? Will Mrs. Smith back down? Will she continue to harangue Joe? Will he fight back—maybe even attack his teacher? At this point, it’s difficult to root for either character. We don’t know if Mrs. Smith is a bully or tired. Is Joe reacting because he is fed up with an unfair teacher or is he a juvenile delinquent?

The second conversation provides a different kind of tension. This time, our focus might be more sympathetic towards the student. He’s obviously afraid and we want to know why.
Go through a work-in-progress and see if you can explore ways to further your characterizations without using too many words. The pen might be mightier than the sword, but sometimes you need a sword—to do some cutting.